the magic of
precious little baby toes…
Baby B is one month old today! The newborn phase is NOT easy, but it is pretty simple: eat, sleep, poop, repeat. It’s a very primal experience to care for a tiny creature who can’t talk but who must have all her needs met NOW. It’s both mundane and miraculous at the same time: you have this beautiful, unique little person from heaven who has completely captured your heart but whose needs are as absolutely basic as they come. My days essentially look like this: Feed the baby. Change the baby. Hold the baby. Repeat. Here’s some of what is hard for me about this particular stage:
- It’s lonely. Depending on how strictly you follow pediatrician’s orders, the baby really can’t go anywhere for at least a couple of weeks. Since mom and baby are a pair at this stage, I am very limited in where I can go as well. It’s been a month and I haven’t seen much of anyone besides my husband, my older daughter (M- almost 6 years old), and the pediatrician. I have been able to leave the baby with my husband to run some errands and go to church once, but I have to admit – I’m pretty lonely. I miss adult interaction. The last time I was a SAHM, one of my best friends and my cousin were staying home as well, so I at least had some phone buddies I could talk to during the day. Not so right now. I know this too shall pass, and soon I’ll be able to take the baby all over town and I’ll meet new friends who are also staying home, but, at this point, being trapped in the house all day is really wearing on this extrovert! (Not to mention that after a month, my husband and I are starting to get a little snippy with each other. He’s been a huge help, but I think it’s good that he is going back to work tomorrow!)
- It’s boring. As I said, a newborn’s needs are very monotonous. I’ve done a LOT of sitting around holding the baby, which obviously interferes with my ability to do anything else. I have to constantly fight my need to be productive and remind myself that “THIS IS THE JOB RIGHT NOW.” Holding the baby all day looks and feels like doing nothing. But, if this is what she needs right now – and my job is to meet her needs- then this is what I should be doing. Holding the baby is the job. Yes, as she gets older I’ll be able to take more advantage of the bouncy seat and start baby-wearing (etc), but for now I’m mostly sitting on my bum, playing on my phone, and cruising movies On Demand. The good news is I am currently on level 698 of WORDSCAPES (app/game), and I’ve recently re-watched or watched The Da Vinci Code, Angels and Demons, 2 Guns, Olympus Has Fallen, and Destination Wedding. (2 Guns with Denzel Washington and Mark Wahlberg is definitely my recommendation.) I do miss the feeling of accomplishment that comes with completing tasks, but – as I said – I know this is a temporary phase and I’ll be back to kicking butt and taking names in a few more weeks.
- I’m not that great at it. Our oldest daughter had reflux and colic and cried for like 6-10 hours a day as a newborn. It was miserable. We tried everything to get her to calm down and nothing worked. We just had to wait for her to outgrow it. As a result, the sound of a baby crying brings up a lot of feelings of powerlessness and failure in me. Our second daughter cries the normal amount, though still at a pretty intense pitch and volume. One of us can usually get her back to happy within 10 minutes or so, but I still feel/fear on a deep level that I’m just not that good at this whole mommying thing. Don’t get me wrong, I’m great at other aspects of motherhood – bedtime stories and homework checks, for example – but the newborn phase just does not seem to bring out the best in me. I never know if I’m doing the right thing or if I’m just making wild guesses at what a mom should do; sometimes figuring out why the baby is crying (and how to get her to stop) is like trying to solve my very own Da Vinci Code….except I’m no Tom Hanks.
- My oldest is definitely feeling a little neglected. I know this is part and parcel of having a sibling, but it still doesn’t feel wonderful. She’s told me twice she wishes the baby was still in my belly. When I asked her why, the first time she said “So I could meet her all over again!” (heart=melted), and the second time she said, “So you could take care of me all the time like you used to” (heart=broken). I think she liked me being pregnant because she got to feel like she had a sister and yet she didn’t have to share me. It’s an adjustment for us all, but the blessing of a sibling is totally worth it. In the meantime, let’s just say M has eaten a LOT of mac and cheese and watched a LOT of Youtube Kids since B was born. I guess that’s the way it goes though, right?
Anyway, here’s to surviving a month as a mom of two! Do you have a favorite stage of motherhood? What stage makes you feel like you are “in the trenches”? Leave a comment and let me know!
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